Are You Willing to Change?

Photo by Sam Carter on Unsplash

I've been a little tied up with moving out of London to the countryside these past few weeks. My mind and soul had checked out of London years ago, but my body didn't follow until recently.

There is a change formula (Gleicher-Dannemiller), which states that real and lasting change is only possible when dissatisfaction, vision and the first steps of the plan towards the change are greater than the resistance to it. If there is no dissatisfaction, no vision, or no plan then change becomes unlikely.

D x V x F > R
Dissatisfaction - displeasure with the present situation
Vision - a clear and compelling vision
First steps/plan - a specific, practical and engaging plan
Resistance to change - everything and everyone against the change

People often come to coaching when their dissatisfaction with the way things are overrides their desire for comfort. I told my coach that London was becoming too toxic, impersonal and frenetic for me. But I was still a little scared of moving out to the countryside alone; I had visions of me having no social life whatsoever, apart from the odd conversation with a sheep.

I used to think that confidence must be part of the formula for change. However, now I realise that confidence is useful, but not essential. It's WILLINGNESS that's essential.

Our confidence is about being certain. My procrastination as to whether to leave London or not was made worse because I was trying to make the 'right' decision. 'Right' or 'wrong' thinking isn't good for the nervous system; it sets unreasonable expectations for ourselves to be certain, and therefore confident, about an outcome.

Whereas our willingness accepts risk, resistance and fear and finds the courage to follow what we deem important and right.

If we privilege confidence over willingness we limit ourselves, because we confine ourselves to what has no risk, which in my experience are some of the least valuable aspects of life. What we fear is often linked to what we love. No wonder there is resistance when we come to face the change that we most want to see. It serves as a powerful reminder of just how meaningful this change is. We can't and shouldn't expect it to drop away before we take our first step.

So, if you are looking for change in an area of your life right now, perhaps you can ask yourself the following questions: What dissatisfaction am I willing to admit that I have? What's the vision I am willing to get behind? What are the first steps I am willing to take? And what is the resistance I am willing to accept? These are the questions that get us to the truth of what we are all about. A life focused on willingness is what gives us joy, possibility and challenge. It is also, I would say, what gives some of us the privilege to lead.

Now I am enjoying a slower pace of life, down to earth people, incessant birdsong, clean air and water and surprisingly friendly sheep. I am also putting up with terrible Wifi - willingly, of course!