Are You Good Enough?

Photo by Ben Wicks on Unsplash

I wonder whether the athletes competing at the Olympics in Tokyo have a voice within them that says they aren’t ‘good enough’? I suspect they wouldn't have got to where they are if they didn't. I certainly have this voice and so has everyone I have coached.

Although it can motivate us to improve ourselves, it can also perpetuate a feeling that we are missing something. What if we aren't actually missing anything? What if we just don’t have a deep enough relationship to ourselves, because we are so busy trying to change? 

If we can find our ‘not good enough’, we must be able to find our ‘good enough’. They are two sides of the same coin; if we have one we are sure to have the other. 

However, to hold these two as truths seems paradoxical; they apparently conflict with and undermine one another. The wisdom that alludes us when we are captured in the conflict between being 'good enough' and 'not good enough' is that we are actually BOTH 'good enough' AND 'not good enough' at the same time. Knowing this gives us freedom.

We are always 'good enough', there is nothing to do, no change to go through, no healing to take place. We are already whole, perfect and complete... 

AND

...we are never 'good enough'. There is always more potential for growth and development. 

These two are COMPLIMENTARY rather than contradictory. The more we evolve and grow, the more we inhabit our authentic selves and find inner peace. Likewise, the more we accept ourselves for who and where we are, the more we access our unique gifts and the more of our potential we fulfil. 

The Paradoxical Theory of Change, which came out of Gestalt Therapy, supports this. It tells us that change happens when a person becomes what they are, not when they try to become what they are not. In other words, for us to grow and develop we must get these conflicting parts within us to lay down their arms, start listening to each other and recognise that they each want the same thing. It’s a process of inclusion, rather than exclusion. 

The catalyst for this, in my experience, is the cultivation of stillness in our minds and connection to our hearts. Practises such as yoga, meditation, breathwork or being out in nature can support us with this. A busy mind is like a puddle that has been stirred up, we can’t see what’s really there until we leave it to be still for a while. Also, rather than our heads it is our hearts which have the capacity to hold the paradox, know our innate goodness and lead ourselves down the path to wholeness.