How to Find Your Balance

Photo by Michael Grabb

Often people come for coaching with the desire for more balance in their lives. They are stressed, dissatisfied or perhaps feel a bit scattered. They know balance is the missing link, but they don’t know how to find it. 

Ever elusive, we tend to look for balance in terms of how we apportion our time with work, play, family, exercise etc. Or we tell ourselves it will arrive in the future, once certain conditions are achieved, such as finding a new job, or going on holiday. This may be the case, but we give our power away when we ask the world ‘out there’ to conform to our idea of balance. Life throws us curve balls if we live in the assumption and expectation of a predictable world. 

Here is what I am learning about what balance is for me, what brings me back into balance when I find myself off balance and some practises, all of which are a work in progress, of course!

Balance is now 

I am learning that I needn’t wait for big things to happen. The more present I am in the moment, the more spontaneous and immediate my response to life can be. To find balance I can smile, shrug, sigh, laugh, place a gentle hand on the heart. One of the most immediate and effective ways to be in the moment is to consciously take a few breaths. We cannot be aware of our breath and think at the same time and thinking distracts us from the present moment. I am practising consciously breathing; eg count in for five and out for five through the nose for a balanced breath.

Balance is wholeness 

I am learning balance lies within. I can look within and consult all parts of myself - my values and the parts of me that compete for attention.  If the part of me that likes structure and predictability always gets the last say, then the part of me that loves adventure and going with the flow feels left out. Unless all parts of me get respected the ship starts to sink. I also need to develop myself so I can draw on the strengths of my head (thinking), heart (feeling) and gut (acting) equally, intelligently and in a balanced way. I am practising listening to and acting from ALL of myself. 

Balance is stillness in motion

I am learning that I need to move. Stand on one leg for long enough and you will see what I mean, you will constantly make micro adjustments. Our most efficient and instinctive movement comes from a place of relaxed inner stillness. Think of water as the perfect embodiment of balance, or the serene and focused martial artist who ducks and weaves with their opponent. What activities bring you stillness? Where do things happen as if by themselves and you lose sense of time? And how can you bring this to other areas of your life? Chi gong, is one for me. I am practising flow. 

Balance is choice

I am learning that I am free to choose. If we believe life happens TO us, instead of BY or WITH us, then we are likely to lose balance. When we realise we are responsible for the quality of our experience, we begin to create balance for ourselves. Even if we do something we know will take us off balance, like stay late at the office on a Friday night, then we choose it consciously and we take ownership of our decision. We can choose, not just WHAT we do and WHY, but HOW we do life. I am practising taking responsibility.

Balance is relational 

I am learning that we are all connected and interdependent and balance is achieved in relationship, rather than isolation. My balance supports your balance, which supports a balanced eco-system and vice verse. We can find balance not just for ourselves but for our wider community, be they human, plant or animal. I am practising reciprocity in relationships.

Balance is cyclical

I am learning the wisdom in natural cycles. Seasons come and go and we are constantly in a dance of death and renewal, growth and decay. Too much of anything isn’t good for the whole. We can learn to let go of the old and trust that something new will come to life. I am practising acceptance.

Balance is diversity 

I am learning diversity is essential within individuals, communities and ecosystems. We need to be open to diverse opinions, peoples, perspectives, places, ideas. Diversity supports creativity, which in turn leads to more resilience and more balance. Every living being has an important part to play. I am practising inclusion. 

Balance is paradoxical

I am learning how seemingly opposing truths are complimentary, rather than contradictory. Without allowing myself to be vulnerable I cannot access my real strength. Without structure I cannot flow. The more I can feel and accept my sorrow the more joy I will be able to experience. The way I come back to balance is through recognising my imbalance. The heart is where paradox is most easily understood. I am practising holding paradoxical truths. 

Balance is gravity

I am learning to surrender to the laws of nature. I met Michael Grab, the ’Stone Balancer’, at a festival last year. He reminded me that in order to find balance we have to work WITH nature, rather than control it. Once he has found three points of contact for each stone that he places on top of the other, he knows balance is possible. Perhaps we can all allow gravity to take us a little more. I am practising surrender.

Balance is our essential nature 

I am learning that we are balance itself. We are human beings, and Being, or pure consciousness, is our nature. The closest thing to our essence in the natural world is the sky. Just as the sky cannot be out of balance, nor can we. I am practising meditation.